Being a two year old’s mother can sometimes feel like you are the lowly assistant to Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Loves Prada. Give them the wrong color sippy cup? They swipe it off the table and rage. Break their graham cracker in half when clearly they expected a whole one? Brace yourself for piercing screams. Don’t like what you present to them for dinner? Here comes the maniacal smile as they drop pieces one by one onto the floor. Need a snack STAT no matter how many things you are doing at the moment? You better come correct or there will be hell to pay.
On Friday’s “shopping with Mama,” Elliot wanted a blackberry in the produce aisle, and he wanted it yesterday. Obviously he doesn’t see a connection between unwashed grocery store fruit and E.coli. Even if he did get a tinge of stomach bug, what does he care? It’s not like he’s going to be dealing with any diaper aftermath. If you are a parent, I don’t have to spell out for you what comes next. The dreaded and unfortunately highly unavoidable…Public Meltdown.
So Public Meltdown parenting is suddenly called up to the front lines. I’m sure everyone has a different tactic on how they jump into dealing with Public Meltdown, but I bet it’s safe to say they all start with a lot of internal cursing. Personally, I say a quick, silent, “Futher Mucker!” and proceed to repeat to them whatever they are screaming about.
“I WANT A BERRY!”
“What do you want? A berry?”
“I WAANNNNT A BERRRRYYY!”
“Ohhh…you want a berry? Do you love berries?”
“I love berries too. You know what else I love? You. And Spiderman! I think I saw Spiderman hiding over there…Did you see him?! Should we go see if we can find him?”
I have a whole arsenal of toddler mind games I’m not afraid to use. It just gets exhausting bracing yourself for the next explosion out of nowhere, or tiptoeing around potential disasters. So why do we stay on the job? Surely a bi-polar, demanding “editor-in-chief” gives us pause to rethink our career choice (or at the very least wonder why our “employer” can be so insanely unreasonable), but we are completely defenseless to them. All they have to do is give us a brief chubby cheek smile, and we completely forget about our horrific working conditions.
Sometimes you don’t have it in you to stand up to the demands, though. You just need to fold and open the damn berry container, E.coli and all. Then go home, mix up the rest with some vodka, and begin the process of moving on…
- 4 blackberries
- 1/2 oz. fresh lemon juice
- 1 tbsp. simple syrup or agave nectar
- 1 1/2 oz. raspberry vodka
- soda water
- more blackberries for garnish
- Combine 4 blackberries, lemon juice, and simple syrup in a tall glass. Crush lightly with muddler or spoon. Fill glass with ice and pour in raspberry vodka. Give a quick stir, then top with soda water. If you prefer your drinks a little sweeter, you can add more simple syrup to taste.
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